how we survived: 爺爺’s pantoum (i)

By River 瑩瑩 Dandelion

In 1973, my grandfather made a five-mile swim from Shenzhen Bay to Hong Kong, across shark-filled waters guarded by the People’s Liberation Army. He was part of an exodus of hundreds of thousands who fled from Guangdong as refugees of the Cultural Revolution.

you had to know the currents, & the sun
stay shallow to keep warm in the waters.
you had to believe you could do it
& not be afraid to die.

stay shallow to keep warm in the waters
dream of banyan roots aglow
i was not afraid of dying
even as tides surged my blued lips.

i dreamed of banyan roots aglow
when pistol shots scraped shoreline
tides surged my blued lips
toisan frog treading to freedom.

when pistol shots scraped shoreline
i cried out for my hing dai
toisan frogs treading to freedom
trachea inflamed, violet balloon.

i cried out for my hing dai
when searchlights flooded our vision
tracheas inflamed, violet balloons
liberation army cuffed us home soon.

when searchlights flooded our vision
i pretended the sun was rising
liberation army cuffed us home soon.
record that in this pantoum.

i pretended the sun was rising
when rocks scraped scalps & wood splintered knees
record that in this pantoum
i waited for the scars, & returned.

rock-scraped scalp & wood-splintered knees
bandaged in 嬤嬤’s scolds, congee, & lotus root
i waited for the scars, & returned
new hing dai came searching for a guide.

bandaged in 嬤嬤’s scolds, congee, & lotus root
i trained laps in the bay each nightfall
new hing dai came searching for a guide
water lilies & crickets, our witness.

we trained laps in the bay each nightfall
i had to believe we could make it
water lilies & crickets, my witness
this time, i knew the currents & the sun.

Notes:

爺爺 — yeh yeh, Cantonese for paternal grandfather
hing dai — 兄弟, Cantonese for brother or close friend
嬤嬤 — mah mah, Cantonese for paternal grandmother
“how we survived: 爺爺’s pantoum (i)” was first published in Best New Poets 2021.

Read River 瑩瑩 Dandelion’s essay on the pantoum and his writing prompt.

Source: Poetry (July/August 2025)